Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
