glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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