I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
