I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Can you repeat that, but with context?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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