Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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