So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
