Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
So many bounce houses so little time
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
