I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
