Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
