the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
i think i just lost a toe
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
