This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
