No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
