I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Randomize
