If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
