Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
