She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
