i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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