the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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