i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
