In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
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