I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
