now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
