There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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