I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Is it penis luge time yet?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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