She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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