I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
