I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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