I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
