I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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