Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Boobs speak an international language.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
