mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
