i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
