2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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