She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
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