I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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