i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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