I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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