I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I wear drunk well.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
