You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
