ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
