That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
