when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
