Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
