Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Randomize
