i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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