Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
