I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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