note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
