Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
