ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
